School Optional?

When did school become optional?  A place that's there "if you feel like going" but if not, no worries.  We are so lucky here in Canada that we can safely go to school every day, girls and boys, brown, white or purple, without fear of being attacked for wanting an education.  And yet....  I see kids all the time who show up when they feel like it.  I teach little kids, so they are not making these choices on their own, they are making them with parental support.  Some of my neediest kids, the kids who absolutely should NOT miss a moment, are of the "come when you feel" crowd.  What am I supposed to do then?  They are already so behind, missing so many pieces of the puzzle, starting on the second floor trying to build a base, and then they wander in and out!  To me, this is unacceptable.  But maybe there are other things going on.  Who knows what these kids and their families are facing every day at home.  I try to remind myself of this.  But at the same time I just feel so helpless when it comes to trying to educate them.  Education is such a privilege, and we have the right to it, and I am there just waiting and wanting to help...  So please, send your children to school!  2 month vacations in the middle of the school year are not okay!  Wandering in late, or after lunch, or missing at least one day a week is not okay!  I guess all I can do, as the teacher, is hope and work with what I've got...

One moment at a time...

So one of my goals was to enjoy my job again, for more than a moment.  I tried really hard during the first week of school to stay positive and enjoy myself, and was mostly successful.  But then, the second week happened.  Bill 115 was passed, union meetings were called, questions about extra-curriculars and banked days and sick leave were swirling all around.  Meanwhile deadlines are in place, kids are "settling in" and becoming real to me, and re-organization is right around the corner.  So what was the first thing to go out the window?  Positivity....no big surprise.  Even meeting with my amazing book club friends is different, now that school is back.  All of us looked tired, sad, annoyed and overwhelmed.  Already?
So what to do.  Well, it's back to moment-by-moment I think.  I will force myself to think of something positive upon exiting that school building each night.  To stop, and actually think about my day not in terms of what I didn't get done, what I need to do tomorrow, or what new deadlines are looming, but instead think about what I saw.  Child A helped Child B find a pencil when they needed it.  Child C used an awesome math strategy and shared with the class.  Everyone read for 10 uninterrupted minutes today.  Just something to make me smile before I go.  I'm not sure if this will help all the negative energy swirling around the building these days (thanks Dalton), but I'm hoping it will help me leave in a better frame of mind to come back again the next day.  Because at the end of the day, if I'm not having fun, the kids won't be either.  And that is the most important thing to me, that those kids have a great day when they get in the door.  So I will give it a try, moment by moment, and see what comes....along with a little bit of chocolate I might just be okay!

How?

Well here I am taking things personally already!  I have several students in my room whom you might label
at risk, for lack of a better term.  And they have these eyes, that just look right through you.  Like they are thinking, ``Why the hell are you so sunny and cheerful?  Stop giving me useless beads for being a good kid, because I know that I`m not and I know that life is crap so stop pretending!``  At least, that`s what I feel like they would say if they could give voice to their inner-most feelings.  But they can`t.  They just look at me, occasionally cracking and actually giving me a smile or feeling proud of themselves, but most of the time just oozing attitude all over the place.  It`s like they`re not really kids, at least they don`t allow themselves to be.  And I wonder, how on earth I`m supposed to teach them things like reading and writing when they have seen and heard so much already?  When they have no faith in themselves to accomplish much and no support outside of school to help them.  Am I being egotistical or prejudiced to think that they need more than what they have?  How do I help them without losing myself?  That is the question I end up asking every year....usually after I have already ended up in a puddle on the floor myself.  So here`s to not taking everything so personally, the question is, how do I do it?

The ball is rolling...

Well the first day has come and gone, as has the second day.  It is always a roller coaster getting things started up, but was doubly so this year with both the intense heat (try 40 degree second-floor classrooms) and the rainy start to the year (indoor recess on the first day?!).  But I was able to go with the flow and manage these additional challenges without getting too stressed.  I tried to really connect with each child, and hopefully they've had a great first two days.
I really tried hard to avoid gossiping and focus on the positive.  When people around me started up, I just jokingly said "Let's stay positive!" and everyone would laugh. 
I am trying hard to focus on my instincts in my classroom, as some of my more challenging students come with lots of advice from various staff members, which often clouds my judgement about how I want to do things.  We have been working hard to establish clear routines that are for everyone, and I feel like the students are feeling very comforted by these repetitions.  Nothing will be perfect, but I want the kids to feel like they are starting with a clean slate to encourage change.
I am really trying to be happy about my job and focus on the positives of each day, and I find that I am going home in a better mood (that being said, it's only day 2!).
Here's to finishing out the week and the first weekend break!

And so it begins...

August 31, 2012

Welcome!  I have created this blog to chart my journey to becoming a more "awakened" teacher.  After reading Angela Watson's amazing book Awakened: Change Your Mindset to Transform Your Teaching, I have been inspired to change the way I am thinking about my work.  I came to teaching with youthful enthusiasm and a true passion for the job, and over the past 10 years have watched myself losing both my enthusiasm and passion to become one of those cynical and jaded teachers that I vowed never to be when I started out.  I have little glimmers of my former self, perhaps while making animal masks with my class or watching them play 4-Square as a class at recess time, but feel myself struggling to maintain those feelings under the weight of standardized testing, government versus teacher struggles, administration versus teacher struggles, parent versus teacher struggles, an overwhelming curriculum and the feeling that I can just never do enough to make this system work for my kids.
So I turned to this book, and along with my summer book club, found a path out of this internal struggle.  Now, on Tuesday, I begin a new school year and will attempt to forge ahead with a new mindset, according to Watson's book.  So what are my goals?

• to enjoy my job again (not just for a moment, but for a whole day or week or month!)
• to stop taking everything personally
• to take on only what I can handle, and avoid feeling guilty for not being able to "do it all"
• to avoid the "gossip trap" and focus on having positive interactions and thoughts about my colleagues, my class and myself!

So here I go!  On the first day of school I hope to embrace all the chaos and focus on one moment at a time.  I want the kids to have a great first day, to feel welcomed and appreciated, and I can't wait to get to know them!
Rachel

Please check out Angela Watson's amazing website for information about this book, and her other book The Cornerstone.  There is a ton of great stuff on this site!  Thanks Angela!
www.thecornerstoneforteachers.com