One moment at a time...

So one of my goals was to enjoy my job again, for more than a moment.  I tried really hard during the first week of school to stay positive and enjoy myself, and was mostly successful.  But then, the second week happened.  Bill 115 was passed, union meetings were called, questions about extra-curriculars and banked days and sick leave were swirling all around.  Meanwhile deadlines are in place, kids are "settling in" and becoming real to me, and re-organization is right around the corner.  So what was the first thing to go out the window?  Positivity....no big surprise.  Even meeting with my amazing book club friends is different, now that school is back.  All of us looked tired, sad, annoyed and overwhelmed.  Already?
So what to do.  Well, it's back to moment-by-moment I think.  I will force myself to think of something positive upon exiting that school building each night.  To stop, and actually think about my day not in terms of what I didn't get done, what I need to do tomorrow, or what new deadlines are looming, but instead think about what I saw.  Child A helped Child B find a pencil when they needed it.  Child C used an awesome math strategy and shared with the class.  Everyone read for 10 uninterrupted minutes today.  Just something to make me smile before I go.  I'm not sure if this will help all the negative energy swirling around the building these days (thanks Dalton), but I'm hoping it will help me leave in a better frame of mind to come back again the next day.  Because at the end of the day, if I'm not having fun, the kids won't be either.  And that is the most important thing to me, that those kids have a great day when they get in the door.  So I will give it a try, moment by moment, and see what comes....along with a little bit of chocolate I might just be okay!

How?

Well here I am taking things personally already!  I have several students in my room whom you might label
at risk, for lack of a better term.  And they have these eyes, that just look right through you.  Like they are thinking, ``Why the hell are you so sunny and cheerful?  Stop giving me useless beads for being a good kid, because I know that I`m not and I know that life is crap so stop pretending!``  At least, that`s what I feel like they would say if they could give voice to their inner-most feelings.  But they can`t.  They just look at me, occasionally cracking and actually giving me a smile or feeling proud of themselves, but most of the time just oozing attitude all over the place.  It`s like they`re not really kids, at least they don`t allow themselves to be.  And I wonder, how on earth I`m supposed to teach them things like reading and writing when they have seen and heard so much already?  When they have no faith in themselves to accomplish much and no support outside of school to help them.  Am I being egotistical or prejudiced to think that they need more than what they have?  How do I help them without losing myself?  That is the question I end up asking every year....usually after I have already ended up in a puddle on the floor myself.  So here`s to not taking everything so personally, the question is, how do I do it?

The ball is rolling...

Well the first day has come and gone, as has the second day.  It is always a roller coaster getting things started up, but was doubly so this year with both the intense heat (try 40 degree second-floor classrooms) and the rainy start to the year (indoor recess on the first day?!).  But I was able to go with the flow and manage these additional challenges without getting too stressed.  I tried to really connect with each child, and hopefully they've had a great first two days.
I really tried hard to avoid gossiping and focus on the positive.  When people around me started up, I just jokingly said "Let's stay positive!" and everyone would laugh. 
I am trying hard to focus on my instincts in my classroom, as some of my more challenging students come with lots of advice from various staff members, which often clouds my judgement about how I want to do things.  We have been working hard to establish clear routines that are for everyone, and I feel like the students are feeling very comforted by these repetitions.  Nothing will be perfect, but I want the kids to feel like they are starting with a clean slate to encourage change.
I am really trying to be happy about my job and focus on the positives of each day, and I find that I am going home in a better mood (that being said, it's only day 2!).
Here's to finishing out the week and the first weekend break!